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Flex Seal
Flex Seal Flex Seal is the physical representation of the love of it's inventor, the all powerful behemoth Phil Swift. Although it was originally intended as a replacement for all matter in the universe, it now stops leaks,mortality and nonbelievers fast. It can also shut the mouths of them annoying kids around the corner so you won't hear them screaming ever again! Flex Seal's Origin The story of the origins of Flex Seal are fairly unknown. There have been speculations about this, but a few commonly accepted theories are: # A few broke college kids came across a sticky substance in the woods and saw a mysterious figure isolated in the handyman in a can, soon the man broke out of the seal by flexing so hard ( how the name came to be) and soon helped this man sell the substance to help mortals in need. # A company of inventors, innovators, scientists, etc. all got together and created the Flex Seal company, and released their first product after months of work on it. # Phil Swift took up the job of an entrepreneur, got a team together, and invented Flex Seal, which he later advertised himself. # Phil Swift is a god and created this all by himself. # This is Phil Swift's excrement after consuming his daily helping of 12,000 sinners. # The first man was Phil Swift. Aliens came and introduced him to advanced technology. He then applied this technology to a spray which could help all of humanity. # Phil Swift made it so the Earth was no longer flat and this new round Earth naturally grew Flex Seal # Flex Seal was created from Phil Swift's own celestial blood and tree sap. This was used to treat severed arteries, and is now used to patch, bond, and stop leaks fast. # According to the Book of Phillipius, when Phil Swift made the earth, the heavens opened up with a gush of water pouring to give us our oceans. Phil Swift himself descended from the sky riding his trusty Flex Seal Submarine. He rode around, distributing all the fishies to the various oceans. As he then ascended back to the heavens, He sealed the hole in the sky with black flex seal. # Phil Swift was birthed out of a discarded Flex Seal can, after Phil swilled the substance in his gaping mouth he knew from that moment on he would become the face of Flex Seal # Phil Swift went crazy after drinking too much Flex Seal, NOW THATS A LOTTA DAMAGE. FLEXX TAPEE # After a man saw the movie "Shrek" for the first time, He ogreloaded and exploded into a magical substance dubbed "Flex Tape". # Phil Swift slain his brothers and sisters, taking their powerful blood, and fusing it with his. Thus, making the substance, which if consumed, it makes humans incorruptable, and unyielding, just like Phil Swift. # It was made from EA's blood, but Phil Swift cleansed it, transforming it to Flex Seal. # Phil Swift died of ligma, and then a smarter version of him invented Flex Seal. # The great leader Jim Pickens, and Christian Weston Chandler had a interstellar orgy with phil swift creating flex seal in the aftermath, its also rumored this was done to fill the plot holes of Trasformers. # Phil Swift wanted to turn all of humanity into nibbers so she did with Flex Seal There are many other theories on how Flex Seal came to be, but one thing is certain: Flex Seal is a damn good product. Phil Swift for prez 2020! Scratch that. Phil Swift for Supreme Godly Emperor of the Universe 2020! Pros of Flex Seal * Easy to use, portable, aerosol spray. * S E E P S into A L L cracks and holes. * Dries to a watertight, flexible, rubberized coating. * Seals out water, lasts forever * Stays flexible and pliable * Will not sag or drip in summer heat * Will not crack or peel in winter cold * Stops vibrations and deadens noise * Protects surface from corrosion * Apply on wet or dry surfaces * Transform and protect virtually everything! * Ideal for arts & crafts, projects & hobbies! * Doubles as cooking spray. * Perfect for sealing outdoor decorative items! * Dip your tools in this shit! Idk * Spray on people faces only out of self defence * Spray on your entire body for use as bulletproof body armor * Flex Seal is so strong it can fix your parent's failing marriage! * Seal your kids mouths shut with this * Hi my name is PHIL SWIFT ** Person above is a god * Oh my god, look at that face! Phil swift here for '''FLEX TAPE!''' * Flex Seal can double up as a lubricant for squeaky bum time *Great for sealing the odor of the rotting bodies of jim pickins victims! *does wonders on your favorite cuts of meat! * Very effective birth control * My name is scott porsch * Acts as an effective way to get hard fast. * Prevents Armageddon * THATS A LOTTA DAMAGE * The only defense against the sheer will of God. * Prevent your anus from leaking hot fury * Gets your girlfriend dripping wet. * It can fix your boat that you sawed in half * The Kragle's long lost almighty father * Dad please come back * Can be used to defeat the nazis * Known as the most tasty condiment *Comes in handy if you want to derail a train